There was a point in my life where I thought I was going to lose many important things to me all at once; my car, my close friends and the love of my mother and sister. I was a few months away from moving to England to live with my wife and, although I get excited about doing new things, this meant that I was starting my life all over again. Money was getting so low I didn’t think I’d be able to pay for my plane ticket, it got to a point where I thought I’d lose my car before too soon and I would have to spend more money to get to the job I was going to. It was that time in my life that I was consistently dancing with the idea of allowing, or what the church like to call, having faith. When money got extremely low, I learned to laugh about it, and I really thought it was funny, because in the back of my mind I kept thinking “Is this the end, will this finally crack the poor camel’s back?” However, every single time, some miracle happened that got me out of these situations. I called up my car company to tell them to take my car back, they offered me lower payments each month, which made things easier. When I thought I wouldn’t have enough money to pay for all my bags to go on the plane, one day a check arrived from my insurance company, returning some money that I was owed. This was all because I placed myself in a state of allowing, nearing the view point of I don’t care — by not quite. When I would laugh, telling my wife about all the different situations, during Skype calls, she thought I was crazy and asked: “Don’t you care what’s happening, I wouldn’t be laughing,” I’d reply to her “I can do absolutely nothing about it, this is all I have left to do,” and I would continue to laugh.
When someone says they “don’t care what people think,” they actually do care about what people think, because, people who really don’t care what people think don’t need to say they don’t care, or the thought doesn’t even cross their mind.
The “I don’t care” phases of some people’s lives usually means that there is a suppressed emotion. It could be anger, resentment or hurt that is not immediately felt in a natural way, but rather that has being cast aside in order to give a false sense of confidence. This often shows up through break ups in relationships or when someone’s had enough of trying to reach out to another person— of course it isn’t limited to that either. You might think the statement above may be true, or not, because there are plenty of people who say they don’t care and actually mean it, or do they really? Did you tell yourself long enough that you really don’t care?
From my observation, the I don’t care epidemic is due to either being in a state of resistance or submission. Resistance would be as a result of a person not facing a particular situation head on in a mature manner. For example, if you consistently sent text messages (or love letters) to someone you were interested in and they didn’t respond to you at all, some part of you would play the I don’t care card, followed by a tranquillising thought “he/she must be busy” or the like, in order to not seem desperate or needy. However, the cycle would be repeated and your thoughts would put you on a not-so-merry-go-round of self-doubt and low self-esteem. In the state of submission, the I don’t care card is flung around because of fear of making the wrong choices, letting another down or as a way of being passive aggressive.
When someone is allowing, it’s nearly impossible to notice until it’s something that appears detrimental. For example, I used to work with a woman in NYC doing videography for her. I used my Canon 5D Mark 3, which the body alone cost over two thousand dollars. One afternoon we were taking some photos in her garden and then I wanted to help remove some weeds. I simply put my camera down on a piece of cardboard box with some mud around it. As the woman was talking to another person there, she mentioned how relaxed I was about just leaving my expensive camera laying on the ground and she wished she could be as relaxed as me when it came to situations as that.
Being in the state of mind of allowing isn’t an easy task. It requires letting go of a lot of control and knowing that things will work out in your favour. This doesn’t come easily, you have to know beyond a shadow of a doubt! You can not fool the universe. For example, in the state of allowing, if you sent a text message (or love letter) to someone you were interested in and they didn’t respond, you’d shrug it off and tell yourself “oh well”, or, not even notice if they didn’t, or, you’d simply walk up to that person and ask about the text (letter) you sent and your lack of attachment to the outcome would result in an “oh well.” and you’d come to the same conclusion I gave earlier. In short, you wouldn’t take it personally and it would be easy to move on without a second thought. This state isn’t to be confused with indifference, because even that can be passive. It’s really about allowing situations in life to flow naturally in order to give you the best results, no matter how scary the transitions appear to be. Also, it involves having fluidity in the way you share your feelings and ideas. This may seem very difficult to some, but it isn’t impossible to achieve.
There is a very important dialogue that I want to share:
Master: “The fear of loss is the path to the dark side”
Pupil: “I won’t let these visions come true master.”
Master: “Death is a natural part of life, rejoice in those who transform into the force. Mourn them, do not miss them, do not. Attachment leads to jealously, the shadow of greed, that is. ”
Pupil: “What must I do master?”
Master: “Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose.”
Within this dialogue are the steps to becoming more allowing. Let’s break this down. When the master refers to the “dark side,” he means depression, feelings that cause harm to ourselves more than others and a loss of personal power, because in all of us we have the will and power to achieve what we truly desire. When the pupil refers to the visions, it really means the negative thoughts and illusions we create in our minds that keep us spiralling downward. When the master refers to jealously and the shadow of greed, it means that attachment can cause a lack mentality— this in turn creates a thirst within us that can never be quenched. Lastly, training yourself to let go does not mean throwing everything away, it means not being afraid of certain outcomes that may come in life, especially the ones you can’t control.
The first step to all of this is to list everything you fear the most, it can be anything from the death of a loved one to the end of a relationship. The next step, and this one take sometime, is to write a short paragraph of the good and bad things that could come from these situations; let it all out. Once you’re done with all of your paragraphs, go and do something that’s relaxing for 1 hour, then come back and reread everything you’ve written. When you reread, take note of how you feel with each fear, you can give them a rating from 1 – 10 right at the bottom of the paragraphs. Keep rereading until you know in your heart that you can accept the fears as they are, recognise the parts where you have no control and tell yourself over and over that you can’t control them— remember to be gentle with yourself, as being too demanding of yourself will cause you to shut down. It’s very often that the reason we have fear is because we don’t want to face the truth of what really worries us. By facing them you release them from your mind, body and spirit, reclaiming your true strength.
Thanks for reading, Be groovy, Be you, Be Love. ❤